When we talk about children’s online safety, the focus almost always falls on parents. From screen time rules to parental control apps, parental mediation is widely seen as the primary way children’s digital lives are guided and managed. Parents are positioned as the key decision-makers, responsible for protecting children from risks while helping them navigate opportunities online. But what if parents are not the only ones shaping how children experience the digital world?
In my research with young people, a different picture began to emerge. One that is often overlooked in both research and public conversations. During focus group discussions, an insight surfaced naturally. Young people began talking about their siblings. In two all-girls schools in particular, participants described how siblings play an active role in their online lives. Older siblings check what they are watching or doing and sometimes intervene when something seems inappropriate. At the same time, some of these young people described doing the same for their younger siblings, keeping an eye on their activities.
This was not framed as formal ‘mediation’ in the way we often associate with parents. Instead, it appeared as something more informal, relational, and embedded in everyday family life. This made me pause. If siblings are checking and sometimes monitoring each other’s digital activities, why do we continue to frame this process solely as parental mediation?
What these insights suggest is that digital mediation is not confined to parental roles; it is shaped by relationships within the family. Responsibility does not appear to rest solely with parents. These responsibilities can be socially distributed and can, at times, position others, such as siblings, into parental-like roles within children’s digital lives.
The young people in the study also pointed to a perceived gap between their own digital knowledge and that of their parents. This gap can influence how rules are understood, followed, or even bypassed. In this context, siblings, particularly older ones, can quietly become key figures in shaping how children navigate online spaces. Their familiarity with platforms and trends can position them as accessible sources of mediation, often closer to children’s lived experiences than parents. At the same time, this raises important questions. When children turn to siblings for advice, what kind of guidance are they receiving? And importantly, are we overlooking this dynamic in research, policy, and parenting discussions by focusing too narrowly on parents as the sole mediators?
It is also worth reflecting on the context in which this finding emerged. The prominence of sibling mediation was particularly noticeable in two all-girls school settings. While this cannot be generalised from a small number of focus groups, it offers a nuanced glimpse into how cultural norms related to gender can shape patterns of care and responsibility among siblings. Rather than drawing firm conclusions, this insight invites further exploration.
There is also something more subtle happening in this context. This sibling involvement reflects a form of shared responsibility, where children are not only being protected but are also, in some ways, participating in the protection and guidance of others. This challenges the common framing of the child as a passive recipient. Instead, it positions them as active agents who contribute to shaping each other’s digital experiences. This has important implications for how we think about children’s rights in digital spaces. If children are already engaging in practices of guidance and care, then their role is not simply to be protected, but also to be recognised as participants in shaping digital environments, both their own and those of others.
Perhaps it is time to rethink how we understand digital parenting. Rather than viewing it as something that flows only from parent to child, we might consider it as a network of relationships, where influence, knowledge, and responsibility are negotiated across family members. Parents remain central, but they are not the only actors shaping children’s digital lives. If we want to better support children’s safety and rights online, we need to broaden our lens. That means recognising not just parental control, but also the everyday, often invisible ways siblings contribute to how children learn, navigate, and make sense of the digital world. Because in reality, children’s digital lives are not shaped by parents alone, and perhaps they never have been.
Meghmala Mukherjee
